A Question of Faith
Read Time:3 Minute, 40 Second
July 11, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Do I have faith? My faith in you? I must be honest. Like Doubting Thomas, I question how much faith I have and wonder if my faith in you is strong. Blind faith is what we have, and the Bible speaks about Jesus, which gives us “Hope.” I never had hope or faith, nor did I ever have peace. Growing up in foster and group homes, I didn’t know you, Jesus. I went to CCD, where they spoke about you. I couldn’t concentrate in CCD or school, for that matter.
I was suffering from Post Traumatic Disorder and having night terrors and nightmares about being physically and sexually abused at the age of ten. I was afraid to tell anyone.
I was still missing my siblings desperately. They were my world, and poof and they were gone. I think that’s when I had my first severe depression at nine years old. I lived with a woman who took me in as a foster child. She had other children that she was fostering. I shared a bedroom with an eight-year-old girl. I had my television and stayed in my room because I couldn’t interact with anyone because I couldn’t be with my siblings. I never spoke to anyone in the house except to say good morning. I shut down from the world. I would cry myself to sleep, missing Sunflower, Willy, and Denise. I wondered where they were and if they were still all together. DSS claims that they want to keep the family unit together. That didn’t happen for us. It was apparent that my parents couldn’t care for us.
I struggled with you, God, and as I got older, I blamed you for taking my siblings away from me. I knew little about you when I was ten years old.
So my question, Jesus is this, Why was I separated from my brother and sisters? This is a question I’ve been asking you for a long time. Maybe I need to accept that you had a good reason, and Gary told me to say that to you.
I believe in your teachings, Jesus. Please teach me more so that I don’t “Doubt” you. Today I want to check out the church that says, “Just Church.” I have faith in my heart for you, Jesus. The book God Promises for every day writes: “ I pray that Christ will live in your heart by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love.” Ephesians, I need someone to walk me through the Bible so my faith becomes more vital. I love you, Jesus, and I need your help to stop “Blaming you for everything.” According to John 4:7-12, it writes: “Dear friends, we should love each other because love comes from God. Everyone who loves has become God’s child and knows God. Those who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. We love because God first loved us. My love for you, God, is pure love. Not just saying it, today I have hope whereas, a year ago, I was empty inside my soul. My heart was burning for answers, and I’m finding my answers through you, Jesus. My soul is filled with your blessings, love, peace, hope, and joy, and my faith gets stronger every time I write to you. Because I can physically feel you in my heart right now, you say if I’m in despair, sadness, or afraid, you will always be there for me to hold me up.
Psalm 91:1-2 says, “The Almighty will protect those who go to God Most Highest for safety. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings, you can hide. His truth will be your shield and protection. That’s all I wanted in life to feel safe and protected. You have helped me to surrender to your will, which is pure. I’m nowhere being pure. I pray to you every morning and felt your presence in my room last year. And I swear you were holding me when I cried out to you. You comforted me. As the Bible says, God reaches out to those who call on him.