Godletters
Adversity,  Alcoholism,  Anger,  Anxiety

Abuse and Alcoholism

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December 6, 2022

Dear God, Good morning. Today’s reading from God’s Promises for every day says Jesus is your deliverer.” I truly believe you delivered me from the hell of alcoholism and from trying to kill myself with pills and alcohol, and from being killed by my former abuser Josh.
Two-thousand and eleven was the worst year I encountered. My boyfriend, Josh, physically attacked me at four in the morning. Josh’s head-butted my head, and I felt pain so severe I blacked out. I woke up to Josh strangling me with his left arm. I was choking and starving for air. I turned towards his left bicep, which was choking me, and I bit his arm so severely that he jumped away from me because my teeth went through Josh’s biceps.
I looked around for my pipe, which I use for self-defense. The pipe was six inches in length. A police officer told me if I use an object to fight back while you are being attacked, hit from the bottom down. Never hit above the hips because then it becomes an assault and battery.
I took the police officer’s advice, found my pipe, and started to wack Josh’s hips and legs with the silver pipe. I hit him so severely that I was yelling, “Get out of my F***** house. I kept hitting Josh to get out of my apartment. And I manage to get him out. He did not think I was going to fight back.
Minutes later, Josh went around my back door, kicked it in, and sat at the table drinking beer. I was in my bedroom when he entered the apartment. I don’t know what I said to him about getting out of my house. I went to my bedroom and felt like a wounded deer. I gave up and passed out from seven in the morning until seven p.m. at night.
I woke up, and Josh and my roommate Jane who did a crack in my house went to get more beer at the liquor store. I grabbed my keys and pocketbook, got into my car, and drove to the Medford Police Department in my pajamas. I told them what had happened to me and told the police officer to send five police officers to my apartment because Josh was a kickboxer.
The Police officer got an ambulance to take me to the hospital for a possible concussion. The police department sent five police officers to my house that evening and arrested Josh. Jesus, thank you for your help that morning.
When I got home from the hospital, I began drinking beer like water. I was physically and psychologically in pain. At that time in my life, I  gave up to the point of taking a lot of pills used for my depression and drinking beer. I called Josh and told him what I was doing.
I became sleepy from taking all kinds of pills and drinking a lot of booze. Josh came in the back door because he knew it was broken. He grabbed me and started to walk me around the apartment. He was trying to keep me alive. The next thing I remembered, I passed out in his arms. I did like him but hated him for abusing me.
I woke up in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) with a nurse sitting across from me in her chair doing paperwork. My sista Sunflower came all the way from Taunton,, Massachusetts,, to see me. And she said, “Now, you got my F*** in attention.
I was mortified and felt ashamed for trying to kill myself. My poor sista, Sunflower, was upset with me, and I could not blame her for being mad at me. She almost lost me to this disease of alcoholism and the dose on my medicines.
My sista Sunflower converted to being a Muslim, and in their religion, they don’t believe in suicide. I’ll never try to kill myself again, Jesus.
Jesus, you delivered me from being self-destructive to myself. I had stopped drinking because drinking alcohol was causing me so many problems. I kicked Jane out of my apartment and told her to call her F***** parents to come and get her and her stuff. Jane was doing crack in her bedroom where my dog Annie sometimes slept. I was pissed, but I wrote out a contract that if Jane did any drinking or illegal drugs, she would have to leave that very day. Jane knew I was angry. She called her parents to come and get her that day.
My house was peaceful. No Josh and no Jane. Just peace. I managed to stop drinking through you, Jesus. My goodness, you always protect me through difficult times,  and Jesus. I love you, and always love me.

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