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Alcoholic and Alcoholism

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September 8, 2022

 

Dear God, good morning. Yesterday I did not want to deal with the world, and all I did was rest, and I fell asleep early. On Tina’s hour, we spoke about the 24-hour book, The Thought for the day writes, “But for the grace of God, there go I.” When I see active alcoholics drinking, walking down the street with a paper bag. And the one who is waiting at the liquor store to open. I never look down on an alcoholic or drug addict.

I don’t like that statement. “But for the Grace of God, there go I.” Yes, the active alcoholics and drug addicts are showing me if I pick up a drink of boozer or drugs, I too can be in their shoes. My heart goes out to the sick and suffering alcoholic and addict. I choose today not to drink alcohol. By your Grace, Jesus.

Today’s reading in the God’s Promises for every day writes, “What to do when you feel Discouraged.” Sometimes I feel discouraged, for example, with my beautiful niece Yasmina. I have called her baby girl since she was a baby. Now Yasmina is getting married in Tennessee and will live with her new husband there. I’m so happy for her. She loves Eid, her soon-to-be husband. Well, they got married at City Hall in Quincy, Massachusetts. They’re in love. I’m so happy for both of them.

The problem is money. I can’t afford a plane ticket that costs nearly six hundred dollars. Who has that kind of money? I’m hoping I can go to the wedding; I think I’m in the wedding too. Yasmina wants me to get a fancy dress, she’s funny. I pray I can go to her wedding. I know it will break her heart if I’m not there. I feel powerless and helpless. Please, dear Jesus, can you find a way for me to be there for my lovely and beautiful Yasmina?

The Bible writes, “Don’t worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks…Think about the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected.” Philippians (4:6-8). Worrying is the devil’s playground, and I refuse to go there. I never really asked you, Jesus, for anything except when I was getting sohba. I begged you for help that year. But to ask for help with my niece’s wedding is something different. Please help me find a way to be at that wedding. Thank you, Jesus.

I’m turning my life over to you, sweet Jesus. Every day, I feel the fruits of the Holy Spirit: love, faith, hope, joy, kindness, goodness, and discipline. And I feel so blessed to know what the fruits bear. My soul is filled up with so much love for you, Jesus.

Learning the Bible is difficult to understand, but I’m trying. I love it when you speak, “Jesus said, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.” John 14:1

Of course, my heart is troubled because I may not be able to attend my niece’s wedding. God, can you please make it happen? I need to find a gown at TJ Max or Macy’s. I pray I can show up for my niece’ Yasmina. She’ll be very disappointed if I’m not there. Now I’m getting sad.

The Bible also writes, “We have trouble all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

I hope to live a good life today, now that you got me sohba again, Jesus. It was a painful road ahead getting sohba again. There were so many tears of sadness this time around. But you gave me the 319 meetings, and we can talk about our alcoholism, what it did to us, how we got clean, and sohba.

The love in the fellowship is so powerful. We New Englanders can be tough on newcomers only to save people’s lives. That’s what we do. “Sit down, have a cup of coffee, and just listen.” The women are gentler when helping that sick and suffering woman coming to our fellowship’s doors. We showed compassion, understanding, kindness, and unconditional love. That’s how the women treated me. They wanted to help me, but I was a hand full.

I would go to meetings and listen to the speakers share their stories. I was young, and the woman stayed by my side no matter what. I was not used to this unconditional love. I kept people at arm’s length so no one would hug me. I was a spitfire coming into the program. I was angry because I didn’t think I had a drinking problem at age twenty-one, but I did.

I realized that the women in the fellowship were trying t help me. Especially Rosie. My first encounter with Rosie was when she came running towards me, saying, “You must be Geri.” OMG, she gave me a huge hug. I was standing there, wanting to run away from this woman. I tried to find my boyfriend Burt and leave the meeting. Finally, Burt and Gary arrived on time, and Burt introduced me to Gary, Rosie’s boyfriend. I thought she was bisexual or a lesbian, but I had no clue. I went to a lot of gay and lesbian meetings in Boston. So naturally, I thought Rosie was a lesbian. To be continued… I love you, Jesus.

Am I an alcoholic?

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