End stage alcoholism - Geri L

Read Time:3 Minute, 36 Second

July 19, 2022

Dear God, good morning. Yesterday I went to Revere Beach and bathed in the sun, and then I called Terri. I told her I was taking time out to do something fun for myself. Terri was happy because I needed to be alone for a while. Then I went to my Club 24 to play cards with the old-timers. In the fellowship, the elders have over forty-five or fifty years of sobriety. I adore the old-timers. They give me hope to stay sohba, and I love them all. They make me laugh, and sometimes I’ll make them some dessert.

In today’s reading, it was about being dissatisfied. I wrote to you Jesus back in two thousand and fifteen. I was still drinking alcohol, and my life was a mess. I could not stand myself; self-hatred consumed me. Once again, I drank alcoholically and ran away from my problems. The brown book, God’s Promises for every day, speaks about What to do when you feel dissatisfied. I became disgusted with myself because booze wasn’t taking the pain away. I crossed over the inviable line they talk about in our fellowship. I could not stop drinking. I depended on alcohol because I couldn’t stop drinking. I needed alcohol to calm the shakes that I was experiencing. I suffered from dry heaves, throwing up the alcohol and food. My sister Sun Flower was living with me, but her depression was worst than mine. Poor Sunflower had to cook for me and stay with me when I couldn’t get out of bed. I finally took showers and put on some makeup. Then, when I was well enough, I went to Cub 24 and sat in a meeting.

In today’s reading, it was about being dissatisfied. I wrote to you Jesus back in two thousand and fifteen. I was still drinking alcohol, and my life was a mess. I could not stand myself. Self-hatred consumed me. Once again, I was drinking alcoholically and running away from my problems. The brown book, God’s Promises for every day, speaks about what to do when you feel dissatisfied. I became disgusted with myself because booze wasn’t taking any of my sad feelings away. I crossed over the inviable line they talk about in our fellowship. I could not stop drinking for the life f me. I depended on alcohol at the time because I couldn’t stop drinking. I needed alcohol to calm the shakes and the dry heaves, throwing up alcohol and very little food.

I knew I needed to stop drinking. I also needed to stop lying and manipulating people, especially my husband. I was so dissatisfied with my drinking I grabbed my book, God’s promises for every day, and I turned to this page. It writes, “And my people will be filled with the good things I give them! says the Lord. Jeremiah 31:14

Then you will have plenty to eat and be full. You will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has done miracles for you. My people will never again be shamed.” Joel 2:26

I do believe in you, Jesus. You have given me hope which saved my life. In two thousand and sixteen, you got me sohba. I’ve stayed sohba since then. However, I kept you, Jesus, out of my life. I was attending meetings, nothing more. I was just physically sohba, spiritually dead in my soul. I remember writing to you and begging for help. And you rescued me from the depths of alcoholism. Thank you, Jesus, for the fruits of your love, peace, joy, patients, goodness, and hope. Hope is what I get from you, Sweet Jesus. Today, I’m not dissatisfied because I have you.

Hopefully, Gary, Roman, and I will go to Hampton Beach a lot this summer. I like going early in the morning to the beach to catch the sunrise. It’s so beautiful and breathe taking to watch the horizon over the dancing waves. We’re going to Hampton Beach this Saturday morning. Thank you, Jesus, for all the lovely beaches up and down the east coast, though the water is freezing. I love you, Jesus. Have a beautiful day!