Anger-Survival
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June 20, 2022
Dear Good, good morning. The reading is about anger-survival It’s taken me up until now to work on my anger. I was explosive when I got angry at a young age. Yes, I was furious when I was little. At the age of ten, the Department of Social Services {DSS} decided to separate me from my siblings. My world fell apart. I was angry and my heart was broken. I was devastated, DSS didn’t let me say goodbye to my sisters and brother. DSS took me from school and placed me into another foster home. I hated my Social Worker, she apparently didn’t care about the fact my siblings and I are the four amigos we went everywhere together when we were young. The only emotion I had was anger, I’d cry at night missing Denise, Sunflower, and Willy. but during the day I was rageful at the DSS for keeping me away from my sibling throughout the years. I couldn’t see the. Well, I have my DSS records and will find out why DSS messed up.
My second foster home was with a little Irish woman who greeted my Social Worker and me at her house. This foster mother also had at least ten boys living downstairs together, and a teenage girl living upstairs. The foster father was straight off the boat from Italy. He spoke with an accent but he understood English well. They brought me into their home and feed me right away because i was so skinny. The Foster father cooked all the time. It was dinner time so I sat down and ate the food. Then I was introduced to Valerie, she was my roommate, and I had to sleep in her room. She never talked the poor thing must have been traumatized herself. She never talk to me, she was a teenager and I was only ten so we really didn’t have much in common. I don’t think she liked me in her room. I think Valerie hated sharing her room with me. Well, then the little Irish mother told me after dinner that I needed to take a bath. The next day I met all the boys, some of them were my age. This home had at least twelve kids living there. I met boys and I started to play games with them, but if any one of them put their hands on me I was going to snap.
Well, that day came when Jimmy punched my arms, well with a rageful temper I bit Jimmy’s arms for hurting me I felt my teeth connected when I ripped through his skin with my teeth. Like what my father would say defend yourself and don’t let anyone hurt you. So, poor Jimmy got my wrath of my anger that day. Everyone was scared as to what I did to Jimmy. I got punished and sent to my room. I told the truth and the Irish mother, she told me that there’s no hitting or biting in her house. I think everyone in the house was afraid of me lashing out at them. So no one bothered me. Later that week Jimmy and I became buddies after the bite attack. I was sexually abused by Dominic their thirty-year-old son which only intensified the rage, that laid dormant in the back of my mind. He would make me touch him, so I closed my eyes once again, feeling trapped like a rat. I disassociated myself when he came into my bedroom. He knew that I was sexually abused by my father. Dominic had bad body odor, I hated him for making me rub his penis every Saturday night.. And I was afraid that they would believe their son over me. Of course. At ten years old I would have fits of anger and take it out on my foster brothers who were younger than me. I’d fight anyone, who got in my way. At this point in my life, I felt lost, confused, and rageful. Most nights I would cry myself to sleep.
Anger is a luxury that I can not afford. If I get fearful about something I run on being angry. I try not to take my anger out on people. Thank you, God, for creating medicine that helps me with my depression and anger. Since my diagnosis of being bipolar, I was furious when I found out that I suffered from bipolar disorder. That’s another story. And that I was still experiencing flashbacks of being abused sexually, and physically abused too. Having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder {PTSD}. It isn’t easy being diagnosed with these two illnesses. I’ve been angry my whole life, but now you sweet Jesus came to me when I wasn’t expecting you. Yes, I’II remember that morning as if it was today. Thank you for easing my anger, and now I can breathe and pause reflect, the respond. I hate when I get angry because it ruins my day. Breathing is so important it calms me down. I can’t react only respond to others. I can say:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thank you Jesus for helping me find my way through life.
Thy will, not mine be done.
