Depression with Bipolar
May 19, 2022 4:31 a.m.
Dear God, good morning. My depression is slowly lifting. I don’t feel lost or sad anymore. Jesus, you took my agony away, and I thank you. I feel free from the depression. I must call my doctor today and explain how I have been feeling. What can I do to stop the depression from manifesting in me again? Nothing. I’m stuck with this illness of being Bipolar, with severe mania and then deep dark depression. It makes me cry knowing I have Bipolar Disorder.
According to WebMD, the definition of Bio-Polar 1 is That it writes, “Most people with the bio-polar1 disorder also suffer from episodes of depression. Often, there is a pattern of cycling between mania and depression person affected by the bio-polar1 disorder has had at least one manic episode. A manic episode is a period of abnormally elevated or irritable mood and high energy, accompanied by abnormal behavior that disrupts life.”
I’m going to be more aware of the cycling in my mind. I have had many manic episodes, and I crash after having a manic episode. The next thing I know, I’m curled up in my bed, crying for no apparent reason. The darkness of the depression is with me, and I can’t escape from it. My depression is gone. Because I asked you for help yesterday morning, you, Jesus, took away the depression.
Today’s reading from God’s Promises for every day was about church. That Jesus is the church, and we gather in his love. It writes, “God put everything under his power and made him the head over everything for the church, which is Christ’s body.”
Gary and I and hopefully Roman can go to church this coming Sunday. There’s the church that says, “Just Church.” I want to join in the fellowship with you, sweet Jesus, to celebrate your love for us. It’s been over forty years since I’ve been to church. In a foster home, the mother put me in CCD. When I was nine, I learned about you, Jesus, when I made my first communion. My mother came to see me that day, and the priest had a long talk with my mother, and then he told her to go home. I told the priest everything that happened to me at my mother’s hands. I was happy to see her, but I became sad because she left on my communion day. I thought I had done something wrong again, which is why my mother left. The priest told me he sent my mother home.
I need to remember that when my father and mother abandoned me, Jesus will take me in. I love that saying because both my parents did leave me and gave me up for adoption. Of course, I was devasted when I found out about the adoption.
I shut down from the world when my social worker told me that my parents had given me up for adoption. Sweet Jesus, I need to work on forgiving my mother for the things she did to me and what she would say to me. You forgave me, God. Please help me to forgive her. I want to forgive my mother genuinely. She was a victim of severe abuse at the hands of my father. He was brutal with my mother. Black eyes, broken ribs, it’s too graphic to write. The memories still haunt me of how my father would hurt my mother. My siblings and I stood by my mother’s side because she was always getting beatings from my father. My father’s assaults on my mother caused her to lose her mind. He’d bang her head up against walls so many times. I’m not surprised if he caused her brain damage. She was a fighter herself. She would stand up to my father when she was drunk. At the end of their fights, she would lose. She was also a sick alcoholic. She, too, suffered from depression. I must pray daily to forgive my mother because you forgave me, Jesus. Please guide my thinking and actions. I Love sweet Jesus.