May 16, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Yesterday I felt emotionally unstable. Then, Maire, my neighbor, came up to see me, and I just cried on her shoulder. Marie is a very lovable, caring, and funny woman. And she said that when I feel better, we’re going power walking. She’s so tiny, and it’ll be fun walking with her.
The reading from God’s promises for every day writes, “Jesus is your Lord” I doubted you, Jesus, yesterday because I was depressed, and I’m sorry. I was in so much pain.
Gary secretly called Terri. He told her that I was struggling. Well, she hung up on him and called me right away. I trusted Terri with my heart, and she came to my rescue. Terri gently told me to “Visit the past, but don’t get stuck in the past.” Before Terri called me, I was crying, not knowing what was going on with my emotions except I felt lost. I have never dealt with my mother’s abuse and the fact she gave me up for adoption. It just crushed me yesterday. I didn’t expect that memory.
Wow! my sister Denise and I can’t wrap our heads around the fact that my mother was pregnant with her new husband Mel and starting a family without her four children. It appeared that my mother wanted Sunflower back to living with her. Our mother was incapable of caring for four children even though we were obedient children. Tommy, Denise, and I never went home to our mother. My mother just had a baby girl, and I couldn’t wait to see her. My mother gently put Crystal in my arms. I fell in love with her. I made her a colorful blanket. I was never jealous of my new baby sister Crystal; I love her.
At the age of nine, I felt abandoned by my parents, which was a blessing. Sunflower told me it was hard to live with my mother. Sunflower also told me, “If you ever lived with Ma, she would kill you, or you would have killed her.” I believe Jesus, you saved me from my mother when I was eight, especially by placing me in a foster home with my siblings to protect us from harm. The Department of Social Service (DSS) put my siblings and me into one foster home in Hull, Mass. When I was nine, it was safe to be a kid. Thank you, Jesus, for always being there for me when I’m weak, sorrowful, and tired. I just got done praying. Again I cried. I feel better. I Love you, love me.