Experience Strength and Hope
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July 12, 2022
Dear God, good morning. My sister Denise called me, telling me how she had died twice, but the EMTs kept her alive. My sister is an addict whose suffering without fellowship. We both listened to the 319 meeting. She liked it. I told Denise she could be dead right now. On the streets, drug dealers are lacing fentanyl with other drugs. I’ve lost most of my sohba friends. There are a few of us still alive. They found my sister unconscious and unresponsive. I’m so sad that happened to her. I told her that she could have been raped, killed, or died. She wants wonderful help. I love my sister so much. Jesus, please help my sister stay clean from drugs and alcohol. Please guide her way to the twenty-eight-day program. She’ll be getting a lot of help, I hope. An angel told Denise, “Your work is not done. Wow! My sister Denise had an angel speak to her. Why am I not surprised? Please protect Denise, Sweet Jesus.
Today’s read is about “God’s Faithfulness,” which is powerful this morning. The book God’s Promises for every day writes: “If we are not faithful, he will still be faithful because he cannot be false to himself. But God’s strong foundation continues to stand. These words are written on the seal, The Lord knows who belongs to him,” and “Everyone who wants to belong to the Lord must stop doing wrong.” 2 Timothy 2:13,19
My faith comes from God because you know me better than anyone else. Some days my faith isn’t that strong, and I hate it when that happens. Being atheist for so many years makes me question everything up til now. God, you have saved me from danger. Especially the night I decided to go by myself to a dangerous bar, where all gang members hang out. I wasn’t afraid because I drank alcohol before I left the house. I was stupid for going out by myself that night.
Alcohol called all the shots. I wanted to play pool for drinks, knowing I was putting myself in harm’s way. I wasn’t scared. I had to go to the lady’s room and leave my drink with the bouncer with a napkin over it. When I came out, I drank my Captain Morgan, and the next thing I remember was I saw the pretty barmaid and asked her for water. Then I blacked out. Next, I was being shoved into the car’s back seat. You, God, woke me up when the guys were forcing me into the back seat of their car. I knew self-defense which helped. I kicked the guy that was pushing my legs into the car. Once I got out of the car, I punched the guy. I was pissed. Then I grabbed my belongings and ran across the street.
I ran across the interstate towards two women. Donna and the beautiful Latino woman were walking down the street. I ran up to them for help. I told them that two Latino guys were trying to get me into their car. I said to really drunk Donna that I used to work for her father, Billy. “Don’t F***** talk about my father!” she said. Then they walked away from me, and I yelled out, Mamita” The Latino turned around, and she instinctively knew what I meant. Mamita means “Mommy” in Spanish. She came to my rescue, and I blacked out again. I work up from that blackout and found myself sitting in a dark place. A dispatcher called for Billy to come and get me and bring me home. I blacked out again.
I was sitting in the taxi, and Billy was driving me home this time. He has over forty years of sohba time. I told him I’d give him twenty dollars the next time I saw him. He agreed. Billy is a humble person. He said I was a lucky girl. Boy, was he right. I went into blackout again to find myself in my apartment. Billy walked me up the stairs and put me in the house. I passed out on my bed. The next day I called Gary, my big brother from the fellowship, and asked him if he could come and stay with me throughout the weekend. My hands had bruises from punching the guy in the face, and I threw him into the bushes. I ran across the street towards the two women who saved me. I’ll be so grateful to these two women. Gary was worried because I had made the wrong choice of going alone. We took a taxi to get my car. It was parked behind the bar. So Gary stayed with me until Sunday night.
Thank you, God, for protecting me that night. You have saved me so many times, and I am genuinely grateful to you for waking me up out of a blackout and keeping me from being raped or killed. I returned to the fellowship and had to put makeup on my hands because my hands were bruised. I didn’t want anyone to know what I had been through. So, I attended a few meetings, and stupid me, I decided to drink at home instead of going out. My drinking almost cost me my life, yet I justified my right to drink at home. I was now drinking a gallon of red wine in two weeks. That’s a lot of alcohol for anyone, but I wanted to forget about the attack and that I could have died that night, so I drank more and more until I got sick from drinking too much red wine. I was now consuming a gallon of wine within a week and a half. My drinking was out of control. I was still in denial. I was justifying my right to drink alcohol.
Then one morning, I realized I was a real alcoholic and needed help with all the blackouts, justifications, denial, and the amount of wine I was consuming, getting sick, and using alcohol to numb pain, shame, guilt, and self-hatred. So I went back to my club 24 and meetings. I still feel like an atheist, but one day I bought the book God’s Promises for every day back in two-thousand and fourteen. I had just lost my dog, Annie, to four-stage cancer. I justified my right to drink alcohol because Annie was gone. I had the poor me syndrome. Then I read “God’s Promises for every day.” And I was happy with how they coordinated the book. I love this little brown book. I think I wrote in the book asking you for help, Jesus. On more than four occasions, I think I wrote to you in the brown book Begging for help, And you did help me.
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