September 11, 2022

Dear God, good morning. I’m up early again and can’t sleep. Today’s topic is faith. Today marks twenty-one years since the Twin Towers were destroyed, and thousands of lives were lost that day. It was such a sad day for our Country, and I still get emotional about that day. I came home and cried when I saw the planes hit the towers. I was teaching in Hamilton, Massachusetts, and we had terrified parents coming into the daycare to pick up their children on that day. My prayers go out to the families still suffering from that horrible day.

Today, Gary and I are going to Peabody John’s house for his Birthday party. John is such a nice guy. We met Peabody John at the 319-fellowship meeting on zoom. He’s such a wonderful and emotional man as well. We fell in love with John’s message. Gary and I met John for coffee and a meeting one Sunday morning. It was beautiful to see John, he’s an old timer, and he has a lovingness about him that I love, And he’s funny.

I must tell Fernando I have to go to this Birthday party for John today, and he’s not going to like it, but he’ll hopefully understand. Jordan called me yesterday, and I was emotionally drained to talk to anyone, and I’ll call her later today when we get home.

Today’s reading is about faith. Sometimes my faith gets weak when I am depressed, and it’s a tidal wave of emotions. I pray you take the sadness away from me. Jesus, thank you.

My faith in you, God, is magic l. You turn a non-believer into a believer. That’s amazing. I had no faith in you, Jes s. I no understanding of the Bible because I never read the Bible. I thought God abandoned me a long time ago when I was young.

I know God, you give man and woman “Free Will,” like my biological parents. And they are to be blamed for abusing us, children. However, why did it take you, Jesus, so long to help us? This has been a question that hurts my heart. You saw what my mother was doing to us, literally trying to kill us.

My mother was a monster. She’d shoved our heads down the shitty toilet with pee in, and my mother would grab my neck and force my head into the toilet bowl. I was drowning. I could barely breathe. The shit was all over my face, in y mouth. She’d flush the toilet and the water into my mouth and nose. I have difficulty if water goes up my nose, especially swimming. It’s a trigger for me. The beatings were out of control.

My father had a restraining order against him and could not come to our house. My father could not save us from my mother’s psychotic episodes. She was relentless and out of control. She was drinking, dancing, and keeping us children up at all hours of the night, telling us about her problems. I was always tired at school.

I think it took my grandmother and two aunts to attend the Hamilton School in Everett, Massachusetts. My aunt and Nanna intervened and told the School Principal everything my mother was doing to us. The school reported my mother to the Department of Social Services (DSS). I am grateful to my aunt and Nanna for saving our lives.

That same day a man came to the school and told my siblings and me that we were moving to a new house. He worked for DSS. I was confused. Sunflower was crying; she wanted my mother. Denise tried to comfort Sunflower during the drive to a stranger’s home. W left with only the clothes on our backs. The foster mom was lovely, but the four of us were upset because we weren’t with our mother anymore. e still loved our mother, but I was happy to leave her. No more violence. No more sleep deprivation, no more beatings with the belt buckle, no more lack of food. Felt freeing!

My faith comes from you, Jesus. Yes, I can not see you. You gave me hope last year when I was desperate for help. The anguish in my soul was so painful, and I wept like a child. I believe in you, sweet Jesus, especially when you came to me in Spirit. When I cried out to you, and you came to me. It was a fantastic experience; I cried like a little girl, not knowing what was happening to me. I f lt the warmth of your arms holding me. I thought you were putting a warm blanket around me; that’s how warm the feeling was. I genuinely believe it was you holding me as I cried. A feeling of joy entered my heart. The tears started to disappear. I felt the Spirit of love in my soul. It was like you infiltrated my life, and thank you. The Bible says

“But the purity of your faith will bring you praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is shown to you. You have not seen Christ, but you love him. You can not see him now, but you believe in him. So you are filled with joy that can not be explained, a joy full of glory. You are receiving the goal of your faith. -the salvation of your soul.” 1 Peter 1:7-9 I’m still new at the Bible, God. I know you saved me that morning over a year ago. I love you so much, Jesus. Thank you.

Last step to faith

“What is Faith”