Fear in Recovery
November 19, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading from the Bible writes, “What to do when you are afraid?” I have always been afraid my entire life, and I have feared people. Fear that they can hear what I’m thinking, fear of people touching me, talking to me, and of having children.
People were not to be trusted because of what my biological mother would say to me, such as, ‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.” she said, “I’ll have your tubes tied so you won’t have children.” I believed her; I was only eight years old when she told me that. What did I know?
Because of what my biological mother said, I subconsciously did not think I could raise a child and only knew what my parents taught me. My birth parents taught me to hate, fear, fight, yell, be afraid, and run away from problems. It turns out that I am nothing like my biological parents today.
According to the Bible, it writes,” Where God’s love is, there is no fear because God’s perfect love drives out fear.
1 John 4:18
In the past misbehaved because I was drinking alcohol at a young age and running away from group homes. The Bible says, “So we be sure when we say. I will not be afraid because the Lord is my helper. People can’t do anything to me.” Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”
Even though I have committed many sins in my life, I hope that you can forgive me. I have had three abortions, which I think is a terrible sin that I did, but Pope Francis, our Pope today, told all Bishops and Priests that if a woman needs confession regarding her abortion, she will be forgiven.
I am so sorry, Jesus. Deep down in my soul, I did not want to be like my mother, who was severely abusive toward me. The mental and physical abuse was torturous. That’s why I never had children. I feared I would be like my biological mother because she was pure evil. After all, that’s what I learned from her.
When I was with Burt, I was in college, and I got pregnant. This is one of my greatest regrets. Burt is a sweet, loving, caring, funny man. He was my first love. He would have been a great father, too, but I ran away from Burt because I was not used to someone loving me like Burt. Burt would do anything for me. We were deeply in love, but I ran off to Wheelock College to study Social Work in Boston. I was hoping Burt would wait for me, but his drinking became prevalent, and I was sohba for six years, and I could not live with an active alcoholic. God, please bless Burt.
I don’t live in fear as much as I used to. I live in love, peace, joy, goodness, kindness, and working on discipline. Please help me work on my fourth step today. Oh, I have a phone interview. Please, Jesus, find me the right family. Prayers for my family and friends. Love you, sweet Jesus.
God’s Faithfulness in Recovery