Feeling Angry in Recovery
December 3, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading in the book God’s Promises for every day writes, “What to do when you’re feeling angry. The Bible says,
“My brother and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily because anger will not help you to live the right kind of life God wants.” John 1:19:20
Since writing to you, Lord Jesus, my anger has slipped away, but not completely. Whereas before, if someone said the wrong thing to me or if you if someone touched me without my permission, I exploded with uncontrollable rage.
Growing up in a violent home escalated when both my parents drank alcohol. Fighting was the second natural to us. Both of my biological parents verbally abused us or each other. They both appeared angry most of the time and would yell at us children. The four of us sat together on the ugly red kitchen floor, crossing our legs.
We were very obedient children. I feared my mother’s scorn. She’s the one who tried to kill us four children numerous times. If we showed allegiance to my father, she would find a way to hurt you. Or she would beat us with my father’s belt buckle, which would rip through the skin on our tiny backs.
I learned to be angry with my parents and hate them both for physically and psychologically abusing us. And my sister Denise and I were sexually abused at my father’s hands when I was seven years old. I hated my biological parents with a vengeance. I never wanted to live with my mother after the Department of Social Services (DSS) took us away from her because she tried many times to hurt us children. DSS took us from school, and we never got a chance to say goodbye to our biological mother.
The four of us children were forced into a strange man’s car. I was confused and terrified. Especially when our parents told us, “Never get into strangers’ cars.” The Hamilton Elementary School Principal told us it was safe to go with the man. Like good little soldiers, we went to our first foster home with the man. Sunflower wanted our mother, and she cried the whole trip.
I never dealt with the anger I felt as a child, and I stuffed my memories and feelings of raw emotions in my unconscious mind. Writing about the past is therapeutic for me to heal from my childhood. Self-help books and talking with a therapist worked on healing my heart. Thank you, Jesus, for a job and a new car. I am grateful, and I love you.
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