Feeling Guilty is the in Past
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October 24, 2022
Dear God, good morning. I need your help to quit smoking cigarettes. I keep waking up coughing, like last night. Please help me stop smoking and stay stopped. Gary was sweet, making coffee for us. Today’s reading in God’s Promises forever day states,” What to do when you feel guilty?” Since I was a child, my biological parents have made me feel guilty. I felt guilty all the time as a child. When my mother was pregnant, she blamed me for losing our brother, Richard Dean Landers. I did not know my mother was having severe labor pains. I was so angry at my mother for physically and mentally abusing me. When my mother was crying out in pain, I did not feel sorry for her. I walked away from her that morning and went to school. I was only seven years old. I guess I still feel guilty about my brother’s death. My mother said it was my fault that she had lost the baby. I believed her.
I wish I had helped my mother that morning. The truth is my mother was always physically assaulted by my father, who would throw her around like a rag doll, even during her pregnancies. My mother was hurt so badly by my father. On May 24, my brother Richard Dean was born nineteen seventy-four, and then he passed away at the hospital. My brother Richard Dean was killed at my father’s hands, and I know it was my father’s fault for killing my brother.
I don’t know why I was writing about my upbringing. I guess it’s because I feel guilty for not helping my mother when she cried out to me, and I walked away from her cries for help. Was I a deviant child.? I received a beating from my mother when she got home from the hospital. I felt guilt my who life because my mother blamed me for losing the baby. I felt guilty just for being alive. I was told I was no good by my mother.
The Bible writes, ” So now, those in Christ Jesus are not judged guilty. Romans 8:1 and the Bible write, “If anyone belongs to Christ, there is a new creation. The old things have gone; everything is made new.” Corinthians 5:17 I know today I was not responsible for my brother’s death.
Over a year ago, I cried out to you for help. And you came to my rescue. I begged you for help, and you helped me right away. I was in AWE. The tears disappeared as I kneeled on the floor in prayer. I was praying for the depression to go away and for my sanity to come back to me. And you did it! When I think about you, I rejoice in knowing that someday you’re coming to us. It is To prove to the world that you are the father of everything. I love you, Jesus.
