Feeling Important in Recovery
December 2, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading from the book God’s Promises for every day writes: “What to do when you don’t feel important? I never felt important until I volunteered at the Disabled American Veterans as a barmaid in Malden, Massachusetts.
When I was drinking alcohol, I thought I was so important. Being a barmaid, serving drinks to the regulars that came in every Friday night, they would play darts, music playing, people and play pool, and most of all, drink. The drinks were cheap, and people loved that aspect
Then there was a biker gang called Iron Order that made me feel important. After all, I was their favorite barmaid. They bought me a lot of drinks every Friday night. At the end of the night at two- a.m. I would have at least eight to eleven paid drinks waiting for the following Saturday night. My self-importance for being a good barmaid made me feel significant.
These bikers were Businessmen, Union Workers, and Managers of big companies, and they were normal guys that needed a hang-out place where they could have their own meetings upstairs. If anyone was getting, I shut them off, and I would lock the door at night so none of them could leave the DAV drunk.
People appreciate the fact I cared about their well-being. Plus, it’s the bartender’s responsibility to protect customers. I would unlock the door at three in the morning so everyone could go home safely.
Then one night the manager came into the DAV. I had at least sixty people in the DAV bar This Volunteer manager Mary had no people skills because she came into the bar and she yelled out to everyone about a stupid truck blocking the fire lane. Well, that was the end of the bikers coming down to the DAV because of how Mary dealt with Iron Order, who happened to be bikers, and most of them, Veterans.
If Mary just came to me that night and told me, I would have gone to the President of the Iron Order, and I would simply ask to have the person to move his/her truck. No problem, but Mary has a big mouth, and we lost all the bikers except a few who would visit me on Friday night.
After volunteering at the DAV, I quit the barmaid position. And my drinking booze took off again. They say in our fellowship, “One drink is too many, and a thousand isn’t enough.” I progressively got worst with my drinking alcohol. I became careless and unaffectionate, and I was a loner again.
Drinking alcohol gave me a false sense of myself. When drinking, I became grandiose, I thought I knew everything, but I didn’t. The progression of drinking alcohol happened quickly. I was ashamed of myself for upsetting Fernando.
At the very end of my drinking, I know in my heart you, Jesus, saved me from causing more destruction to my marriage. I was a falling-down, piss my pants drunk, which people did not want to be around.
I finally surrendered to the “Fellowship.” Which has saved me from relapsing again. I surrendered to your will, Jesus, over a year and a half ago. I was crying out to you for help, and you came to me in spirit, and I felt a warm sensation all around my body. Then I stopped weeping, and I felt your presence that glorious morning. Thank you, sweet Jesus, for saving my soul that day.