Fellowship in God
May 31, 2022
Good morning, dear God. I’m feeling emotionally sad today. I was writing about the day my mother broke my left arm. How sad is that? Today’s reading from the book “ God’s Promises for every day” Speaks about satisfaction. It writes, “Those who want to do right more than anything else are happy because God will fully satisfy them.” Mathews 5:6
I am happy that you came to me, Jesus. My life has changed because I’m learning to listen to your “Will.” I read the passages in my little brown book. “Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you.” Psalm 37:4-5 Trust, the Lord, was something I didn’t do most of my life because I was an atheist and resented you, Jesus. I’m so sorry. You help me with the fellowship.
Today sweet Jesus, you are my light. You are my brother and friend. I feel joy when I think of you because you brought me out of the darkness and showed me the light. I started to trust you, sweet Jesus, with all my heart. Because I was in a severe depression and prayed to you, still an atheist until you sweet Jesus held me in your warm arms a year ago. Then my life would change. I was no longer depressed; I felt light as a feather. My heart was full of love for my sisters and brothers. I started to love life. I’m not saying that I don’t get depressed, I do, and I asked for help, and you helped me. Psalm 37:4-5 writes the Lord will take care of me too. You, sweet Jesus, had carried me through my whole life when I was a sinner, running away from people, drinking alcohol in my adolescent years, and lying to everyone.
You always put lovely people in my life, friends from high school, my caseworker Christen. And my sweetheart boyfriend Joseph. My friends at work, Tony and three other women, and I forgot their names. It’s been more than thirty years since I have seen them. We had a lot of fun. I still drank alcoholically but hid it from everyone when I was younger. I had no contact with my siblings during those years. Except for my brother, he’d show up at my apartment in a Limo in West Newton, Massachusetts.
My father had a two-family home. Denise lived on the first floor, and my father lived on the second floor. Denise and I got to be together in the foster homes. I’d visit her in her foster home too. She was the big sister and what she said was always right about everything. LOL, Jesus, you brought me back to my siblings, thank you. I never thought that I would see my sibling again. When we all hooked up at Denise’s apartment, we were adolescents. I lost contact with Sunflower and Willy. Maybe one visit since we were children. Many years passed, and not seeing or playing with my siblings saddens me the most. They were my world, and DYS took me away from them. I resented them for doing that to me.
I don’t know why I brought up the saddest moment in my life. I haven’t grieved those feelings, and someday I’ll be able to face my fears. I fear that I will start crying and not stop. Jesus helps me to deal with my fears. I need your help now. Susie Q called me to let me be of service to her. Love you, sweet Jesus.
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