From Rage to Forgiveness
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June 28, 2022
Good morning, dear God “. Forgiveness” is the topic. God tells us to forgive others, and God will forgive our sins. It took me my whole life to forgive my father before he passed away. One day my father called me, and I fell to the floor crying. He told me, “I want you down here so I can suck your “f***in p***y.” I was in a state of rage and revenge when I heard those words from his mouth. I raced down to Chelsea Massachuttes from Salem Massachttes. It only took me less than thirty minutes to get to his house. Rage was permeating through my veins. I was so angry that I thought I would rip the steering wheel off, which didn’t happen.
I proceeded to go to my father’s house, and he greeted me at the door. “Come in, Geraldine” Nothing fazed him. He walked towards the kitchen; I walked behind him. I had brought my baby’s picture to show him how young I was when he started abusing me. I got the opportunity to confront this sick man. It came true. I saw he was near the table, and then I shoved the table up against his body, so he was trapped. I screamed at him not to move. I took out my baby picture to show him how young I was when he started to abuse me sexually. I cried for him to shut the F### up. I pinned my father up against the kitchen corner. It appeared to me I was holding my father hostage in his own home. And I didn’t care. The butcher knives were hanging in the pantry, calling my name.
I wanted to do what the Mafia does with “Rats.” Or anyone that screwed the Mob would be killed. Witey Bulger was a notorious killer here in Southy, South Boston. Witey Bulger had his guys cut up body parts and hid them throughout Boston and other towns. I wanted to cut my father’s body apart, like Whity Bulger. When I called my mother, she said, “Get out of his F### house now.” I told her, “No, not until he tells you the truth, Ma.” I started crying because my mother didn’t want to hear it. I dropped the phone, and my father picked it up.
My father called the Chelsea police department. They came, and I left in tears. I think I picked up a drink of alcohol after that nightmare. Taunting nightmares and new memories started to haunt me. So I drank so much alcohol. I had not seen my father from that day on. One day years later, Tina called me about how serious his condition was, that he stopped breathing and was rushed to the hospital. My father was in the hospital with Chronic Obstructive Polyamory Disease COPD. I didn’t know his condition when I got to the hospital. My brother, Will’s girlfriend Tina, and I went to the hospital with me. I went to see my father in the hospital. I still couldn’t trust my father, and I hadn’t seen him in twelve years. Fourteen years prior, I went to my father’s house wanting to hurt him, not knowing what I would do to him. for all the sexual abuse I encountered as a child.
I walked over to my father and grabbed his hand. I said squeeze my hand tight if you know it’s me, your daughter Geraldine. And he did. Then I asked him if he was sorry for what he did to me. Tears blue clouded his eyes, then I started to cry, and so did Tina. At that moment, compassion entered my heart and soul, and I was still holding my father’s hand; I told him that I loved him and that I knew hating my father crushed him. I told my father that I loved him when I left the hospital. My father died five days later. He knew nothing about love because his mother sent him to boy’s homes in the thirties during the Great Depression, and my poor father had no mother or father. My poor father had no one to love. Bobby O Leary lived at the boy’s school too. Bobby told me horrible stories of what the guards would do to my father, and the older boys would throw baseballs at my father’s face. He was traumatized as well. My heart hurts for my father. I pray to you, Jesus, to comfort my father, and love him, even though he did wicked things to me, and today, I forgive my father because he was a very sick man. God writes: I am the One who forgives all your sins for my sake; I will not remember their sins anymore. I will forgive them for the wicked things they did, and I will not remember their sins. Isaiah 43:25 – Hebrews 8:12 If you forgive the wicked then please forgive my father. Thank you, Jesus, and have a beautiful day.
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