November 26, 2022

Dear God, good morning. In the book God Promises for every day writes, “What do when you are Frantic and Stressed?” I love this verse in the Bible. “But the Spirit produces the fruits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. There is no law that says these things are wrong.
Galatians 5:22-23
That was a beautiful read. I do get frantic and get stressed out. I love the fruits of God’s love for us, and I would love to have the fruits of the Holy Spirit. I have experienced some of the fruits of the Holy Spirit with love, faithfulness, peace, joy, and goodness. I’m still working on patience, tolerance, and self-control, and I’m a work in progress.
When I was seven years old, I had a Spiritual-Awaken when my biological mother was strangling me in the kitchen with both hands around my neck. She raised me up against the flowery kitchen wall and started to choke me with a vengeance.
I was crying out, “Please stop, mommy.” I remember my biological mother was squeezing my throat, and I was kicking my feet toward her to make her stop hurting me.
I was no longer with my mother; I was actually in “Heaven” It was quiet, and I think I was standing in the light. It was a beautiful color of yellow. I was giggling and heard myself laughing. There was a sense of peace—no physical pain. Just an abundance of love is what I felt in my little heart.
The next thing I remembered was lying on the ugly red kitchen floor with my mother hovering over my body, and she was slapping my face to wake me up, which felt like a million needles stinging me like honey bees. My biological mother was ruthless and never gave me affection, love, joy, gentleness, or kindness.
I believe that my mother hated me the most, maybe because she knew about the sexual abuse at my father’s hands. She would punish me for the sexual abuse. It was a double edge sword, and I would lose all the time.
I’m unsure why I’m writing about my biological parents and what they did to me. Maybe I needed to write it out and not suffer in silence anymore.
According to the Bible, it is written, “Also the Spirit helps us with our weakness, and we do not know how to pray as we should.” My weakness is having to do my fourth step again, and this time Terri wants me to try and write my step four. This should be interesting.
I go to you, Jesus. When I’m stressed and frantic, I go to my bedroom and quiet my mind because it gets busy in my brain. I breathe, pray, pause, process, and proceed with my daily activities.
My poor sista Sunflower is in a lockdown hospital. Her mania of being overly excited, she has euphoria and disillusionment. Sunflower wants me to drive to Baltimore to visit my older sista Denise in my Volvo or take a train there.
Sunflower hates the word “No.” Jesus, I pray to you now to help balance Sunflower’s emotions. Please help her cope with her mania and slow her down and lessen her depression too. Please put her on the proper medication. I love my sista and hated her illness, which is ok. I don’t hate my sista Sunflower.
Sunflower had five children and started a sausage business on Tremont street in Boston. I would babysit the children on the weekend when my sista went to work selling sausages with green peppers and onions, and she cooked chicken. Sunflower set up her sausage cart where the clubs were. She talked with the bouncers that if they watched over her, she would feed them. Sunflower has beautiful mind. And she’s my baby sista.
I hope I can visit Sunflower here in Haverhill at the lockdown hospital. I have to ask the hospital to arrange a visit for me to see the Sunflower, and I pray to see her. Please, Jesus, watch over my sista. Thank you.
Today, I see Fernando, and I’m giving him my Mac computer, and he always wanted a laptop computer. Then I want to see Karen today, too, at Club 24 in Malden, Massachusetts. I’m also having to stop and get my “Big Papa” signed jersey signed by David Ortis, an incredible Red Sox player, and he’s in the Hall of Fame.
I’m guessing the jersey is worth something, so maybe I can auction it off online. I’m also planning a nice Christmas getaway for Fernando and me, a whole house to ourselves, and it’s a lovely place.
Sweet Jesus, please take away my fears of driving the Volvo. I want to trade it in for a newer car. The Volvo is very expensive to repair. Please, God, let me get out of your way today with fear running through my veins; of driving the car today. Please help me to find a blue RAV 4. Thank you, Jesus. I love you