Friends and Gratitude
June 2, 2021
Good morning, dear God. I’ve been up since four-thirty feeling happy and had coffee with Gary and he’s the backbone of putting together the website godletters.org. The website was Gary’s idea. I have so much gratitude for him because he did all the background work. He is my big brother and my true friend and I love him dearly.
Today’s reading is about Jesus being your Friend. I was taught that Jesus is the son of God, but my little brown book, God’s Promises for Every Day states: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and eat with you, and you will eat with me.” Revelations 3:20
As an atheist for so many years, I refused God, Alhaj, Buddhism, and other religions. I’ve read almost every self-help book out there. I like the book “Healing the child within.” John Bradshaw wonderful writer. That book helped me not to blame myself for what others did to me as a child. I always had low self-esteem in my early years of recovering. I lived in fear of the unknown. I was a tough girl in my adolescent years before coming into the fellowship.
The women were loving, patient, and caring, something I was not used to. This love business was for the birds. Looking back, I gave these beautiful women a run for their money. Kathleen and Rosemarie were so patient with me. If they suggested anything regarding my recovery. I wouldn’t do it. But they still wouldn’t give up on me. They taught me love, kindness, respecting others and myself, and learn not to take that first acholic which could kill me. That scared me. I met Gary’s girlfriend Rosemarie and Gary one evening at the fellowship. Rosemarie became my dearest friend who has taught me a lot about life on life’s terms. That was a hard pill to swallow! Sometimes I use the phrase “Life on life’s terms”. A powerful statement about Acceptance. Acceptance is the answer to all our problems today according to a beautiful book called Alcoholics Anonymous. I love that book
When I first entered the Community back in nineteen-eighty-seven, I was only twenty-one years old trying not to drink alcoholically. For some reason I got sohba.! I thought the Grace of God, was reaching out to me. By putting a lovely man in my life, on my third day in the fellowship. I picked Bert to be my soul- mate and we fell in love. thank you Jesus for Burt. Burt is kind, funny, loving, and passionate about life and me. He treated me like a princess. He made me feel love for the first time in my life. Burt was my world. However, Burt picked up a drink after seven-years-sohba time. Burt was in a depression apparently, I did not see that coming. It broke my heart into pieces. when he picked up that drink, I knew in my heart he wasn’t going to stop drinking. We split up because I received a scholarship from Wheelock College for one year. I went out with a narcissist asshole that was controlling, and psychologically abusive and he was demoralizing towards me. Kathleen and Rosemarie came to my rescue. They suggested I leave the relationship. It was written on my face that I needed to be away from the abuser.
I thought Burt would stay sohba and eventually come back to me. I thought he would wait for me after attending college for only one year. I wanted him back, but alcohol kept him away from me. He left and we never became lovers again. Burt will always be part of my soul.
Sweet Jesus, you take all the credit for putting Burt, Gary, Rosemarie, and Kathleen in my life. They are true friends, and I’ll pray for Burt to be happy and well. Please, Jesus, protect Burt because he’s still drinking, and he’s devoted to you sweet Jesus, and loves you too. I need to call Rosemarie this week and surprise her. I can tell Rosemarie anything because I learned to trust people through the fellowship too. Love me.