God is the protector - Geri L

Read Time:2 Minute, 15 Second

October 11, 2022

Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading is about you, God as my protector forever. It writes, “The Lord searches all earth for people who have given themselves completely to him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9a I believe that I have completely surrendered to your will, Jesus. I always thought our God in heaven was a punishing God, especially when I was drinking alcohol. I didn’t care about anyone. I was self-centered, egotistical, and self-righteous, and I thought I was the Cats Ass. I never knew I could have a loving relationship with you, Jesus.

When I look back at my life, I can see that you were my protector even though I thought I was running my life on self-knowledge because I was in college and only focused on my studies of Social Work, trying to find a good man, and being an atheist did not help either. College was fun. I love learning new ideas and lessons from the professors at Salem University in Salem, Massachusetts. I never cared about learning until I went to get my associate’s degree and received a scholarship from Wheelock College in Boston, Massachusetts. Reading and writing reports helped me to understand the world around me. I was a kid who only knew how to survive on the streets of Boston. College was an excellent escape for me. I Took four courses each semester, worked part-time as a nanny for three children, and attended the fellowship.

Men were a diversion for me. I always thought my life would be complete if I found a good man. I went out with many men I should not have gone out with. I was looking for Mr. Right in the fellowship. I wanted someone sohba, a gentleman, someone loving, affectionate, and who understands my difficulties in life. And be supportive through the rough times. I used my sexuality to control men. Sex was a powerful tool for me. Seducing men was easy. I would flirt with them and let them beg for my affection. Sex was a weapon for me, and I decided when to have sex with my partners, not them. I’m a survivor of sexual abuse, assuming that most survivors did what I did to their partners.

Today I put on my armor, which shields me from the world’s evils; you always protect me from them. My spirit sings with laughter; I feel loved by you always when I ask you for help throughout my days. Speaking of days, I just remembered it is six years today that I have not had a drink of alcohol. Whoop Hoo. Thank you, Sweet Jesus.

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