September 3, 2022

Dear God, good morning. Yesterday was an emotional day. I started reading my Dear God letter to Terri. Tears of sadness poured down my face like a waterfall. I know it is okay to cry. But the tears seem to have been locked up for years. I never cried as much as I do with Terri. Reading to Terri, my letters are mostly about my relationship with you, Jesus, and I’m learning just to be a child of God. I needed to write to you every morning. I look forward to writing to you, Jesus.

I’m working on my fourth step, which states in the Twelve and Twelve Step Book. from Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s a guide to right living. The Steps also bring you to a Higher Power, like you, Jesus, but everyone has their own interpretation of what a Higher Power is like you, Jesus. People can use you, Jesus, Buddha, Judaism, whatever helps them get closer to their own spiritual recovery and find a Higher Power of their own understanding.

Today’s reading is from God Promises for every day writes, Jesus is your friend. As a child, we were not allowed to have friends come to our house. At least that’s what I thought. I was too afraid to ask my mother if I could bring a friend home. My mother lay on the sofa and always was sleeping. She definitely wasn’t going to let other kids in our house or backyard. If we wanted friends, we had to go to their house.

The Department of Youth Services would put me into foster and group homes since I was nine years old. When I went to a foster home, making friends was easy when you were nine, but then DYS put me into a group home. When I was eleven years old, I became a shy kid. I never really talked to anyone at school. I would make friends, but then I had to leave them. It was easy as a child to make friends. Growing up as a teenager, friends came and went. I could not make real friends because I never knew where I was living next.

Jesus, I know today you saved me last year, and thank you for caring for me and carrying me through my darkest hours of depression. You have been taking care of me my whole life.

I believe you are my father. Jesus writes: “If my father and mother leave me, the Lord will take me in.” Psalm 27:10 The Bible also says, “… But I call you friends because I have made known to you everything I heard from my Father. You did choose me; I chose you.” John 15:15-16

Yes, my biological parents did give me up for adoption, and it hurts when I think of it. I never felt the pain around the adoption, maybe because it will hurt. Too much if I open pandora’s box. Please, Jesus, guide and help me confess my sins with Terri when doing my fourth step. She’s the only person I trust with my charter defects. I simply love Terri. Thank you for putting Terri in my life. I know I need to focus on your fruits love, faith, peace, joy, goodness, thoughtfulness, and right thinking. I love you, sweet Jesus Amen.

I need a lot of serenity today. Fernando and I are going up to the White Mountains this Labor Day weekend. We’re renting a 1950s trailer. Thank you for making this trip happen. Fernando will be happy about having a tub. I’m bringing lavender oils and bubbles.

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