God’s Faithfulness
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January 11, 2023
Dear God, good morning. In the book, God’s Promises for every day writes, “What the Bible has to say about God’s Faithfulness?” I believe you have come to me so many times in my life. I did not know that you protected me my whole life, and I could not believe in you. I was severely abused as a child. I grew up to fast, and I never really had a childhood. I lost my siblings to the Department of Social Services (DSS). The social worker separated me from my sisters and brother.
I was devastated when the social worker Amy came and took me away from my siblings. My sisters and brother were everything to me. As children, we always entertained ourselves. We were the four amigos, and we did everything together. I was a quiet child at the age of nine. My world collapsed when they took me from school, and I never saw my siblings until we were teenagers.
As a child, I trusted no one. Adults were not to be trusted especially social workers. Amy, the social worker, took me to a home in Tewksbury, Massachusetts. The foster mother was a little Irish woman, and the father was right off the boat from Italy. He had a broken accent. They were very nice to me. The foster mother and father were concerned about my weight. The social worker Amy left me there to live with these people. They feed me and let me take a bath. Then I had to sleep next to a girl named Valerie in a full-size bed. I thought I did something wrong for them to take me away from Sunflower, Denise, and Willy.
All I wanted was to visit with my sisters and brother. They never allowed us to see each other, and I’m still pissed off that I could visit my siblings. I was devastated being alone.
I was quietly angry at all adults and foster brothers and Valerie. The foster parents had a lot of foster boys living downstairs in the house. There were at least nine boys in that house, three of whom were my age.
I’m not sure why I’m writing about my childhood. Maybe I’m angry with you, God, for allowing the DSS to separate me from my sisters and brother. Why could I not visit with my two sisters and brother? We were so close as children; I was sixteen when I reunited with my siblings. It was an exciting time for me to see them all.
I believe you did protect me my whole life. The Bible says, “He will not let you be defeated. He who guards you never sleeps. The Lord will protect you from all dangers; he will guard your life. The Lord will guard you as you come and go, both now and forever.
Psalm 121:3,7-8
In the past, I felt defeated at times. I guess I still don’t trust people’s motives. When I was in that foster home in Tewksbury, I was sexually abused by their son Donny, a child molester. He was in his thirties, and he would babysit us kids. After everyone was asleep, he would come into my room after Valerie moved out. I was by myself. He forced me to touch his penis, and I had no choice and to rub it. I looked away as I did that to him. He ejaculated in my little hands. It was sticky and wet. And I cried myself to sleep. Every Friday night, he’d come into my room again and again. All I could do was disassociate from the abuse.
Gary would say, “Maybe you had to go through childhood trauma to possibly help other women who have been through sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.” I sat back and thought about it, and then I had to agree with Gary. Maybe I can help someone else who has been traumatized by abusers, and I can be a good listener and be there for a woman who has trauma issues.
If this was your plan, God, it was a painful plan. Maybe that’s why I have a hard time with God, the all-Almighty Father who drowned the world. I believe in you, Jesus. You and the Holy Spirit bring love, peace, joy, faith, understanding, kindness, goodness, patience, and self-control to those who want to be near to you, Jesus. These are from the fruits of your love for us. Galatians 5:22-23 I love your teachings, and I learn more daily as I write to you.
