October 22. 2022
Dear God, good morning. It’s early four a.m. And I’m a little tired. In my little brown book, God’s Promises for every day, I write, “What to do when you are unhappy? I was disappointed with myself for drinking again in twenty- twelve. I thought I could be a social drinker even after years of sobriety, and I was a sick cookie.
I wanted to drink alcohol like a social drinker. In my case, I tried to drink normally. I tried, and I could not stop the compulsive drinking, it consumed me every day. I was unhappy because I was searching for that happy good lucky feeling, which came and left me sick in my bed for days.
When I was drinking alcohol, I was unhappy. Because drinking alcohol is a depressant. Alcoholism was destroying my marriage and friendships and upsetting my family members. I knew in my heart that I needed to get back to the fellowship and attend many meetings.
Thank you, Jesus, for getting me sohba again. I’m a fortunate woman. On my last day of drinking at a bar, I came close to having two guys pushing me in the back seat of their car. I woke up, or you woke me up, Jesus, from a blackout.
Thank you for your defense. I kicked my way out of the back seat. As the guy pushed me in, I used my legs to kick the guy from shoving me into their car. I jumped out and punched the guy in the face, threw him into the bushes, and grabbed my phone and purse.
Then I ran across the main street. I saw Donna, My old boss’s daughter, and a beautiful Latino woman walking. I ran up to them for help. I said, “Two Latino guys are shoving me in their car.” The Latino woman turned away from me because of what I said. I told Donna that I used to work for her father, Billy, who ran the Cove Lounge, which was a dive bar.
Donna yelled at me, Don’t you talk about my fuckin father. He’s dead. As the two women were walking away from me, I loudly yelled at Mamita. The gorgeous Latino woman turned around and came to me. Mamita, in Spanish, means “Mommy.” I blacked out when I woke up from my blackout. I was sitting in Patriot Taxi on the cushioned sofa.
Billy, who worked for Patriot Taxi and is also sohba for forty-five years, came to Patriot Taxi to bring me home. I felt shame and guilt when I saw Billy because I’ve known Billy for years in our fellowship. He told me to get to meetings when I felt better. I kept saying, “I’m sorry for drinking, Billy.” Billy was cool and said, “Geri, you are a sick woman and need help.” I blacked out again and woke up in my bedroom.
The next day I called Gary crying to come down from Haverhill, Massachusetts, to Malden. He heard the desperation in my voice. And he came down to babysit me, so I would not drink for the rest of the weekend. I needed to calm down. My anxiety was off the charts. The thought of almost being raped and or killed haunted me for years.
Because whenever someone tries to get you in their car, the chances of living are slim. I told myself that I was not a social drinker and a real alcoholic. These two guys could have killed me. Who knows? Maybe these guys were driving me home, and I wasn’t going to ask them. I needed to run from them. I was in a blackout the whole night playing pool. I drank Capitan Morgan all night, and I believe that someone put a mickey in my drink that night.
At closing time, I saw the bartender and asked her for water. That was my last memory until you, Jesus, woke me up from that blackout in the car. You saved me from harm again. You are always protecting me, sweet Jesus. Thank you.
According to the Bible, “The Lord saves good people; he is their strength in times of trouble. The Lord helps and saves them; he saves them from the wicked because they trust in him for protection.” Psalm 37:39-40 Thank you for saving me that night in the car.
I began to believe in you, Jesus, in two-thousand-and fourteen, and I kept trying to connect with you. You always answered my prayer, or when I screamed out, please help me, Jesus. You came to me and helped me.
Now I’ve been writing to you for over a year. My love for you has grown tremendously, and my faith in you is unspeakable. I just surrendered my self-will to you through my writings. I love writing to you, sweet Jesus; it helps me stay close to you.
Thank you for six years of sobriety. I am so grateful to you for getting me sohba. This time I’m learning to live the Twelve Steps of the fellowship. I’m on step four which is hard to do, but I’m willing to do the work because I know that it will help me to be even closer to you, Jesus, and change old behaviors that get me into trouble. I put the alcohol down, and I’m left with raw emotions.
During my six years of sobriety, I attended meetings and became active in my group. I would welcome people into the room with handshakes and hugs. It was my favorite job. Thank you, Jesus, for getting me back to the fellowship. I am so grateful to you, Jesus. love me
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