August 5, 2021

Dear Jesus, good morning. I’m so grateful. It seems for weeks now! I’m grateful for so many people that you put into my life, and I’m thankful for so many things too. My birthday was beautiful. I spent the morning with Fernando, it was lovely, he wants to take me to dinner for my birthday and buy a perfume bottle. He also paid half for the new computer. Then I visited club 24 and saw all the old-timers. It was beautiful to see them. They make me laugh a lot!

When I say I’m grateful, I mean I love you. You came to me when alcoholism broke me, and my soul felt empty. I was weeping on the floor near my bed and probably feeling overwhelmed with life’s problems. And that my depression was glaring its ugly head again. The depression grabs you, and you can’t breathe or move. Then you feel trapped and suffocated.

I suffer from friggin bipolar, too. How lucky am I? There was a time when I was confused, I would get angry out of nowhere, and it was hard to calm down and breathe. God, I know you are there even when my bipolar flares up. It’s not a good day. I hate those days because I get into trouble! Thank you for making medicine, Jesus. Trust me. I needed it.

I’ve been in the fellowship since nineteen-eight-seven, which saved my life! The fellowship has a name, but I want it to stay anonymous. I was twenty-one-years-old coming into the fellowship. I was young and confused. I loved to drink at age twenty-one, but I was hitchhiking from town to town. I always ran away from the Department of Youth’s Services (DYS). DSS locked me up in the Charlestown YMCA jail for youths. I was a very angry kid. I remember not having feelings for anyone. Love was not mentioned in my family growing up, and we never spoke about our feelings as children.

Thank you, Jesus