June 14, 2022
Good morning, God. today’s reading is about “Walking away from God.” Yes, I walked away from you many times because I simply would not believe in you, Jesus. I had a soul sickness of not believing in you or any religions. I knew about you through the fellowship, and I didn’t realize that I was stubborn, arrogant, self-absorbed, not connecting with others in the fellowship, and not reading the Big Book or the Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions. I have been a runner my whole life.
Our Step book contains many paragraphs about the atheist man or woman. It writes: “Let’s look first at the case who says he won’t believe- the belligerent one. He is in a state of mind which can be described only as savage… The roadblock of indifference, fancied self-sufficiency, prejudice, and defiance. Religion says the existence of God can be proved. the atheist claims proof of the nonexistence of God.” Pg. 28 the Twelve Steps. Being an atheist shut me off from you, Jesus. I could not or would not believe in you. I was the bewildered one. During the years I was sohba, I still was puzzled, and I felt lost and confused. My mind and soul were in despair. I believe the group meetings helped me stay sohba one day at a time. I used a group of drunks. Here was a group of people who knew how to stay sohba and be happy. I think their happiness was a direct result of having a Higher Power, or God, in their lives. Reading the literature and books helped them stay sohba and be of service to newcomers. I was ta
I thought that if there was a new woman coming into a meeting, I must reach out to her and give them my number. It helps me to forget my problems. The newbie is the most important person in any meeting.
As I write to you this morning, it helps me to have a friendly conversation with you, Jesus. Thank you for showing up in my life when I was suffering from a soul sickness. My soul was empty, and I had to believe that the fellowship of women and men who share their hearts and stories profoundly affected me. I finally let go and let sweet Jesus into my life. I simply asked you for help, and here I am writing to you.
Never in a million years did I think I would connect spiritually with you, Jesus. You came to me and comforted me early that morning almost a year ago. I was not expecting you to be there with me in my depression and sadness. You’ve given me faith, love, peace, and joy. My faith is so powerful I can’t understand it at all. I love you, Jesus, for wrapping your arms around me that morning, I felt the warmth of your arms around me when I was crying to you for help, and you showed up for me. Thank you for helping me out this past year. My soul isn’t empty. It’s full of faith, joy, love, and understanding. I’m so grateful to you, Jesus, for all the lovely people in my life today, my family, Fernando, Gary, Roman, Terri, Kristen, Rae, and Claire, and the 319 crew. I love dear Jesus. Have a beautiful day!