October 14, 2022

Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading is about the “Holy Spirit.” According to the Bible, “Holy Spirit is God’s helper who watches over us and helps to make good choices and helps us overcome temptation.” I thought that the Holy Spirit was the Holy Ghost which scared me, and being told that God was a punishing God. I believe in the Holy Trinity and God as a loving God. It’s a beautiful feeling in my heart this morning that may be the Holy Spirit dancing inside me. God said he would bring a Helper if he left me. The Bible writes, ” I will not leave you all alone like orphans. I will come back to you.” John 14:16-20
Neil Patel (founder of Ubersuggest) writes, “The Holy Spirit is the third member of the Trinity, along with God the Father and Jesus Christ. :16-20.”
The Holy Spirit lives in me, guiding me to make healthy choices and helping me overcome temptation. Having Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is a blessing. God promises to come back to me, and he gave me the Holy Spirit to watch over me and is my Helper if I need help.
You, Jesus, have put some incredible people in my life. My husband Fernando, Gary, Roman, and Terri, who is my dear friend and sponsor, I love her to pieces. Then there are other women you put on my path, Jeanne, Karen, Kristen, Jackie, Stacy, and the Good Old Timers, who have been sohba for forty to fifty years of sobriety. I grew up in the fellowship since I was twenty-one years old, and I did not think I was an alcoholic because I was too young.
I started drinking at a young age, maybe thirteen years old. My girlfriends and I would ask any man to buy us liquor, and they would most of the time. Drinking was fun. As a shy teenager, alcohol gave me the courage to socialize with other people. When I was sohba the next day, I would always be hung over with a massive headache. And I was back to being shy again. The anxiety was getting worse. At this time, I needed alcohol because it took away my childhood memories.

When the Department of Youth Services (DYS) let me get my own apartment, DYS realized I could not live with others because I would get into verbal arguments. My drinking of alcohol took off. I loved it—my very own place. My friends from work always came to my home to drink and play drinking games. I was working one week and then in high school the following week. How could I be an alcoholic? I was too young. I didn’t drink like my biological parents drank! How could I be a drunk?
Well, I became a daily drinker, and my boyfriend, Joesph, who went to Babson College for business, didn’t know how much alcohol I was drinking. I was consuming half a pint of alcohol in two days. The childhood memories would creep into my head, and then I would drink them away. It was the only way to stop the intrusive sad memories in my head. All I wanted in life was to be happy and help others in need.

I don’t know why my childhood still hurts. But today, you, Jesus, have my back. If the memories come back today, I turn to you, sweet Jesus. A drink of booze will eventually kill me slowly. Thank you for getting me sohba again. You are my protector and savior, and I trust you with all my heart. I love you, Jesus.