July 1, 2022

Good morning Dear God. Yesterday wiped me out. ! I needed to report Romans’ primary doctor Tod to the Department of Human Rights Services. Tod is an unethical doctor. Thus. he won’t give Roman his Tryliptal, which stops the voices in Roman’s head, and his mind stops thinking that people will hurt him physically. I pray that Roman gets the best treatment possible. When Gary and I find out what hospital Roman’s in, we will visit him. He needs love, kindness, emotional support, and letting Roman know that we immensely love him.

Today’s reading from my little Bible is about “Love.” I’m learning the Bible; it’s a little difficult for me to read, and I need a guide to guide me through the Bible. I loved Today’s reading about love. I’m new at letting others love me because love means emotional pain. And I would run away from people who wanted to love me. I would sabotage any relationship, I would shy away from people. I didn’t trust anyone, especially adults. I was afraid of people in general. I was scared to ask for what I wanted and needed.

My mother wore a mood ring and necklace. After school, we would send Sunflower into the house first because my mother would never hurt Sunflower. We told Sunflower to look at mommy’s mood ring. If my mother’s ring was blue, it was safe to come into our home. If her mood ring was black, we knew it wasn’t safe to go into the house. We went to play with the kids in the park until the street light came on. Thank you, Jesus, for that mood ring.

Love came to me through the fellowship. I was a tough scared woman entering a room full of people. Let alone talk to them. I would hear these old-timers speak of their experience, strength, and hope. I wanted to run out of that meeting. But I stayed to listen. People were hugging each other, laughing. There must of be sixty people in the hall. I just sat down and said nothing to anyone,

But this handsome guy was sitting across from me. He yawned, and he turned to me and smiled. I smiled back and asked him if he wanted to go and have a cigarette. He said sure. We went outside and talked about this program and how it works. We both were new to this fellowship. After the meeting, Burt asked if I needed a ride home to North Gate apartments, and I said yes, thank you. We got to my place, and I asked him if he wanted coffee. He said, “Okay.” We talked all night. We talked about our upbringing and our difficulties and joys in life. It was like two in the morning, and I was tired. Burt left me his number and said if you want to go to a meeting tomorrow night, I can pick you up, and I said yes. As the weeks and months went on, Burt and I fell in love. He is a gentleman who waited for me to be intimate with him. We never had fights or bad arguments. He was my first true love, always wanting the best for me. Burt was my best friend.

When I was suffering from childhood memories, Burt would hold me while I cried. Burt was so affectionate and loving. Burt taught and showed me what love meant. We went everywhere together. Cape Cod, to the White Mountains, and cabins in the woods, I let Burt in my life because he is a gentle soul; Burt was different; he loved me unconditionally. Burt understood my night terrors and flashbacks of trauma. Burt showed me how to love. He is patient, loving, funny, handsome, kind, and a “Spiritual Giant” Burt loves you. And I pray that Burt comes back to the fellowship someday. Please protect Burt from drinking a lot of alcohol. He knows who to call if he runs into trouble, Gary. Gary’s first best friend is Bert. Gary, Burt, Rosemarie, and I would go to meetings together and hang out at Rosemarie’s apartment; the four of us had much fun together over the years. Gary, I didn’t like him at first, but later I grew to love him and Rosemarie. They were the only people in my life back in nineteen-eighty-eight. They were the only people I loved because they loved me back.

Today’s writing speaks about “Love,” It writes, Everyone who loves has become God’s child and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God. John 4:7-12 I’m still learning to let others love me Today, and I’m a work in progress. I know in my heart that I love you, Jesus. Love is in our fellowship. “Love and Patient is our code in the Big Book. I love this phrase, “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. Proverbs 8:17 Within the last year, my faith in you, Jesus, has grown, and I can’t understand! I was on my knees, begging for help, and you came to me. Now I go to you for answers and knowledge of the Bible. I’m going to do a bible study on zoom with Susie and her friend Tracy next week. I’m excited. The book God’s Promises for every day writes: “So these three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love. Corinthians 13:13 Today, I know you put so many lovely people in my life to love. Whether they realize it or not, I love them. I pray for my family and friends. Thank you, Jesus. I love you. love me