Love in the Fellowship
July 29, 2022
Good morning, God. It was four-thirty in the morning, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. Gary has this lovely book named “The Life Recovery Bible.” I would love to get this book. Yesterday was a little emotional when I was writing to you, God. I want to focus on love from Corinthians. Gary’s book reports,
I can relate to these topics on love. The first topic is that my parents expressed no love in my home, no affection, no hugs, no kisses, and no empathy. All I had was my sisters and brother. I took a psychology class for Social Work, and the psychiatrists claimed that if a child doesn’t receive love, affection, or any physical touch, a child could die. In class, we saw psychiatrists doing a study on monkeys on television. And it was sad to watch a monkey die because of a lack of love. The monkey had no mother in the cage with her, and ultimately the baby died in the cage alone.
Maybe that could have happened easily if I did not have my siblings. They meant the world to me. My brother and sisters were my lifelines. Our love for each other, I believe, saved us all. I love this quote in the Life Recovery Book, “God loves us… As we absorb his love, we will find ourselves reaching out to love again.” Page 1471
Most of my relationships are built on love today. Unconditional love is what I received in the fellowship back in nineteen-eighty-seven. I was not used to being loved by anyone. It took me years to let anyone into my crazy world, except for Burt, and he was the love of my life.
On my third day in the fellowship, I was still angry that I had to attend these meetings, and I wasn’t happy and wore all black like I was going to someone’s wake. In the meeting, this guy was sitting across from me, and I thought he was handsome but rough around the edges wearing a broken-in leather jacket. He looked like a biker, and I thought he had a Harley Davison motorcycle because of the way he dressed.
I proceeded to peek at Burt while I was sitting in the meeting, and secretly I would look at him without him noticing it. Burt was sexy. He had these beautiful blue eyes that would make any woman melt. Burt was tall, muscular, and soft-spoken. At break time, I asked him his name, and he said, Burt. I told him my name and asked him if he rode a Harley Davison. He said no but had a nineteen seventy-seven Monte Carlo car with swivel seats. Since I took the bus home after the meeting, Burt offered me a ride back to my apartment. And I was happy to say, “Yes.” Burt was a complete gentleman. He never forced us into having sex right away. I think Burt was scared of me. After hanging out with Burt for two months, we became intimate. One night I leaned into Burt’s body, and I kissed him, and he kissed me back. He gently held me in his arms as we kissed. From that moment on, we were inseparable. Burt taught me what it was to love. He loved me unconditionally. I could do no wrong in his eyes. In the fellowship, they say or strongly suggest, “No relationships” in your first year of sobriety.” I never really listened to authority figures. I did not know this suggestion.
Burt was an excellent provider; while I was in college. One night, Burt defended me at a house party at our place in Beverly, Massachusetts. My girlfriend Nancy brought this guy to the party. He was preaching the Big Book, and I told this guy it wasn’t a meeting. Burt ran over before me and kicked the guy out of our place. Burt said, “Get out!” The guy put his head down and walked out.
Burt showed me how to love. Burt was kind, nurturing, patient, and never jealous. Burt was trustworthy, which I needed at that time. He loves you, God. Burt lives the way of what Corinthians says in the Bible. Because of Burt’s unconditional love, I gradually let Rosemarie and Gary into my life, not entirely at first. Burt and I would hang out with Gary and Rosemarie, and I learned to love them too. To be continued, sweet Jesus.