June 8, 2022
Dear God, good morning. I’m going to be kind to myself. And get my hair done I’m excited On June sixth my mother passed away four years ago, she passed away in her sleep. She decided years ago to come back into my life. I certainly didn’t trust my mother she had wickedness about her when I was growing up. I was never close to my mother. Sunflower and Willy were my mother’s favorites. My sister Denise and I were my father’s favorites.
My father was an exterminator, He made a name for himself, “Bill the Bug Man.” He would have been a millionaire, but he drank his money away because he was an alcoholic. We had beautiful things like a new sofa and end tables, a swimming pool, washer, and dryer. When I was very young my father brought me to work with him. I felt like a priciness when he would grab me away from my mother. My sister Denise also went on jobs with my dad. My father didn’t trust my mother, so he would pick Denise or me and go to work with him. My father was well known in the bar rooms, restaurants, and people’s houses. My dad was a big shot in front of others. He was well known in the towns of Boston, Everett, Malden, Revere, and Lynnfield. I went to Bobby Orr’s house in Lynnfield. My father was a serious man too serious that he could not enjoy his life. That’s so sad.
My dad was handsome, with gleaming blue eyes. stocky guy and very tall. If guys wanted to fight my father, it would take three guys to knock him out. He grew up on his own as a child in a home for boys during the deep dark depression back in the nineteen-thirties without his father and mother. My poor father was put into a “Home for Boys. My father was bullied by the other boys. Bobby O’Leary a friend of mine knew my father when he was a boy. Bobby told me that they would throw baseballs at my father’s face. That hurt my heart when Bobby told me.
My father was a determined man running a business caring for four children when my mother was passed out on the sofa. He did do a lot for us. But the dark side of my father was pure evil when he would sexually abuse me and my sister Denise. He would make me and my siblings rub his back. It was torture, we were his little slaves on school nights. I learned how to hate through my parent’s behaviors. They taught me to hate them.
So, at the young age of six, I started to hate my father. My siblings and I had to rub my father’s back, during the games. When the games were over, he would carry us to our bed. So maybe that’s why I hate basketball and hockey, they were my father’s favorite games to this day. I cannot watch those teams play. It’s a trigger for me. Today, I may have triggers from the past, It appears when I read my letter to you Jesus but I don’t stay in the past. I can write about my childhood, and it is defiantly painful, when I read my letters to Terri I cried my eyes out with Terri, on Face Time Terri was so compassionate and loving. I trust her with everything. it wasn’t always the case. Without You in my life, I have been a runner. Today you Jesus, you give me the strength to write out my love letters to you God.
Sweet Jesus, I going to talk with Terri, we have so much fun on FaceTime, I know you put Terri in my life to help me with my recovery and she’s my friend and I love her. Please dear Jesus give my parents the love they need from you Love you, Jesus. Love me