Rebel Without a Clue
October 27, 2022
Dear God, good morning. I’m sick with a terrible cough and body aches. I wanted to have my commune with you this morning. I still feel weak physically, and my coughing still lingers. It is probably the flu, and my headache went away. Thank you, Jesus. Today’s reading is from God’s Promises, for every day writes, ” What to do when you feel rebellious.?” I was always a rebel who resisted rules. I was a wild child running around Boston at fourteen, and I knew every train station in Boston and the surrounding towns. The Department of Youth Services (DYS) was responsible for my safety and care. They did not know what to do with me, and I ran away from group homes and foster homes.
I was rebellious my whole life. I wore black all the time and was gothic before it became popular in the nineteen nineties. I always wore something black each day. I wore a Long black leather coat with deep pockets where I put my large bottles of green monsters in each pocket with a knife and cigarettes.
I rebelled against DYS. I was furious that my parents would give me up for adoption. Drinking alcohol helped to take the pain in my heart away. I never dealt with feelings of being adopted because I would disassociate from it all. At the time, drinking alcohol was the best feeling I got. Drinking alcohol worked, and I drank every emotion away. I may have to talk to Doctor Francis about the adoption.
I was rebellious with you, Jesus, but I did know it at the time. I was young and confused. I never got to know you, Jesus, because I was in survival mode. I was a runner my whole life. I ran away from some horrible foster homes and away from Orchard Home and Parley Place (group homes).
According to the Bible, it says if my father and mother leave me, God will lovingly take me in and never leave me alone. Thank you, Jesus, for always protecting me from harm throughout my life. I love you.
In the Bible, it writes, “In the past, you were full of darkness, but now you are full of light in the Lord. So live like children who belong to the light. Ephesians 5:8
So give yourselves completely to God. Stand against the devil, and the devil will run from you.” James 4:7
Even though I’m sick, I still wanted to write to you, God. When I open my eyes to you, Lord, I feel like a child. The first time was over a year ago. I was weeping over my problems, fearing everything and everyone. I prayed to you for strength and courage and to help others. And you came to me and helped me with my sadness. Yes, God, my past was completely dark.
I have love, peace, faith, and joy because I asked you for help. I love you, Jesus.