December 5, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading from the book God’s Promises for every day writes, “What to do when you feel rejected?” I was a child when my mother rejected me because It appeared that I was closer to my father than my mother. My father accepted me, so I felt safe when he came home from work. Or when he would take me to work with him, I was only four years old.
My father had his own business, and he was an Exterminator, and he was known as Bill the Bug Man. I was always happy to be with my father because he would not hurt me physically.
My mother rejecting me was the norm in my house. She would say horrible things to me, such as, “I brought you into this world; I can take you out.” Or my mother would say, ” Get the F*** out of my sight” One evening, she said, “I’m going to have your tubes tied.” I did not know what she meant by tying my tubes until I got older. She was pure evil.
Rejection is God’s protection. God will take me in if my mother or father leaves me, according to the Bible. The Bible says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed.” My spirit was broken as a child at the hands of my mother, and she had to have psychotic episodes. She was dangerous and tried to kill us as children by shoving our heads down the toilet with feces and urine inside the toilet bowl and then throwing our bodies into the tub full of water.
I’m not sure why I am writing about my sad memories. I’ve kept these memories locked away inside my heart for forty-five years. That’s a lifetime of feeling rejected by my mother. However, my parents rejected me when they gave me up for adoption. It still hurts my heart that they did that to me, their own daughter. I’ve never dealt with the rejection of my parents. But the Bible says,
“God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So always do these things: Show mercy to others, be kind, humble, gentle, and patient. Get along with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. Do all things: but most important, ly love each other. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14
Sweet Jesus, please guide my heart because I genuinely feel sad about being abandoned by both parents, but you promised to always be there for me, Jesus, and have the Holy Spirit watch over me. Thank you for loving and protecting me. I love you, Jesus.