Surrender to Your Higher Power
August 12, 2022
Dear God, good morning. Today’s reading is about what to do when you doubt yourself. In recovery, I do doubt myself all the time. I am working on step four which states, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Pg 42 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions is confusing for me. In this step, I need to surrender all of my fears and write them out on the computer. I also need your help, Jesus. I need to talk with Terri again, and she’s so patient with me. I hope she understands. I do not understand the third part of step four. I doubt that I’m doing my step right. Terri said, we can take this step four slowly, so I can comprehend the step better. Because of a few learning difficulties, I struggle with direction even though I try my best to understand the topic.
I know I need to finish step four and get rid of the negative things I did when I was drinking alcohol and how I was living my life in sobriety throughout the years. This is a tall order, and this is where I doubt myself. But according to, the book God’s Promises for every day writes, “So don’t worry, because I am with you. Don’t be afraid because I am you, God. I will make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you.” Isaiah 41:10. I’m learning to let go of worries and turning to you, Jesus, for help.
I believe the morning I was grieving, my soul felt empty. My heart was broken because I wasn’t working on my program in recovery. Sadness overwhelmed me, and I felt depleted.
Then one morning, I believe you came to me while I was praying to you for help. And you delivered. I felt a warm sensation touching my body like a warm blanket. It was as if you were putting your warm arms around me, and I stopped weeping. I felt the sadness disappear. I felt joy in my heart which I can’t explain. I have felt the fruits of the Holy Spirit, love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I believe that the Holy Spirit touched me that morning. And I was in a state of shock. One moment I cried like a baby, the next moment, I felt safe and had a sense of peace in my soul, which I had never experienced before. Self-control is hard sometimes, and I’m a control freak. I feel safer being in control of a situation, but I need your help, Jesus, with self-control. I’m undisciplined when it comes to my emotions. Some days I feel great, and sometimes the depression creeps in, but I turn to you to help me cope with the depression.
Helping other women in the fellowship gives me great joy to be there for them while they walk on their path to recovery. They help me more than anything. Staying clean and sohba and helping others gives me hope that they, too, can stay sohba. They only need a willingness to get sohba and clean. I hope I’ve been helpful to the woman I care for and that they can get into this program. It’s not an easy program, but it’s worked for millions worldwide, if not more.
I love the fellowship; you never have to be alone again. Today, I have two women calling me for help. Both want to learn about the Big Book. They want a better life sohba and not just drift along in sobriety without using the program tools as I did. The fellowship is beautiful, people helping people. It’s been five years and nine months since I put down the alcohol.I asked for help, and you put beautiful Terri in my life. You also put other lovely women in my life. Thank you, I love you, sweet Jesus.
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